"I thought it was important to put that kind of in-your-face attitude across. One way of doing that was some explicit sex scenes. I know those scenes, like the blow job scene, would be the thing that the critics would use."
—James Franco explains why his film The Broken Tower included scenes of him performing oral sex on another guy and then bottoming for him. Franco wrote, directed, produced and starred in the film. If he had sung the love theme, he'd be the male Barbra! Thank God you can see both scenes on BillyMasters.com.
And so ends a New Year's Eve tradition. No more betting on how many minutes he would get through on the live telecast (last year was a record low —five minutes). Yes, Dick Clark is dead. I first learned the news not from the Internet, or the television, or even the radio. Far in the distance, I heard a voice that sounded remarkably like Ryan Seacrest squealing, "Mine! It's all mine!" Perhaps I was mistaken. Maybe it was Richard Simmons—I get them confused so often. If one believes what his people say, Dick was (relatively) functional till the end. He died of a heart attack while in a Santa Monica hospital having an outpatient procedure for a prostate condition, which is certainly not how I thought he'd go. I was sure his lifeless body would be found under Mrs. Clark, with Dick smothered by her bun. But maybe he's not dead at all. Maybe he's cryogenically preserved and will be thawed out for future New Year's Eve appearances. Or perhaps a guest shot as narrator at Disney's Hall of Presidents.
The rumors are true —Bradley Cooper is a thespian. That's no news to moi. I vividly remember him sitting up front on Inside the Actor's Studio when he was a student, sporting less stubble and his natural hair color. Still, I don't know how many of us are breathlessly awaiting his Hamlet or Uncle Vanya. And yet, he is returning to his first love. What's his name, you ask? The theatre, that's who. This summer, Coop will be appearing at the Williamstown Theatre Festival for a two-week run as...OK, get ready... The Elephant Man! I don't mean to laugh, but I do find it kinda amusing—particularly because the press release says he is "returning to the role". Did I miss something? Apparently he played the part at the Actor's Studio as part of his senior thesis. Honey, if that's the criteria, then someday I will return to the title role in Evita—and I won't sleep with Lippy to do it!
In far more appropriate casting, I hear that my buddy Carson Kressley will be returning (yes, returning) to the Ogunquit Playhouse this summer to headline Damn Yankees for three weeks—take that, Brad! The production will be kinda special because it's moving the action from Washington DC to Boston's Fenway Park. The Red Sox rivalry with the Yankees will certainly resonate more with audiences than the original Washington Senators.
I hope you all watched the debut of Kathy, Ms. Griffin's weekly talk show on Bravo (watch what happens). But there was a very interesting portion of the show that the network edited from the version that aired. It was during the monologue. Kath talked about recently being banned from the Today Show, which airs on NBC, the network which owns Bravo. No worries—Billy found the excised footage and will share it with you on BillyMasters.com.
I have serious problems when so-called celebrities come out of the closet with some fanfare and yet not even I have ever heard of them. This isn't to say I respect them any less—but when Billy Masters has never heard of you, how famous are you? The latest in the revolving closet door is Paul Iacono who says he's glad to "finally come out"—at the ripe old age of 23! I did some research on Iacono and learned he was discovered based on his impersonations of Frank Sinatra and Ethel Merman. And he's gay? Shocking! His coming out interview was given to Michael Musto of The Village Voice—at least the kid's consistent. He feels like a "weight has been lifted" and he's doing this to help younger people who are struggling with their sexuality. I'm sure this news might also help the profile of the actor who headlined the brief and forgettable The Hard Times of RJ Berger for MTV (he's playing gay in an upcoming MTV show). If this third-tier acting thing doesn't work out for him, I'm sure he could get some work in gay porn. I can just see it now—"Chi Chi La Rue presents The Hard Times of BJ Berger"!
This past weekend, Josh Hutcherson received GLAAD's Vanguard Award. He told Marc Malkin at EOnline.com that he has a special connection with the gay community. He had two uncles who were gay and died of complications associated with AIDS shortly after he was born (we're unsure whether both were blood relatives or if one was a relative and the other was his partner). There was a silver lining to this tragedy: "My mom has always been a big advocate, especially in the gay, lesbian, transsexual and bisexual community so for me it's always been a part of my soul." It also inspired him to be a big supporter of the Straight Not Narrow campaign. Bravo.
How much would you pay to have dinner with George Clooney? What if I threw in Barack Obama? Is three dollars too much? Clooney is throwing a fundraising dinner for President Obama at his Los Angeles home on May 10th and guests are paying a minimum of $35,800 to go. But Georgie wants to open this up to real people, so you can buy a chance to attend.
Actually, "buy" is the wrong word. The suggested minimum donation for a raffle ticket is $3, but the rules state "no purchase, payment, or financial contribution of any kind is necessary to enter or win this promotion" (but I bet it helps your chances if you actually give them the three bucks). The winner will not only get two tickets to the dinner but also two round-trip airline tickets (coach) to Los Angeles and a hotel for one night. You'll also probably get the chance to go through all of Clooney's stuff—or is it just me who does that at dinner parties? Anyhoo, I'll post the link on BillyMasters.com. But act fast—the raffle closes on April 30th.
There will be no summer rerun of the Nicollette Sheridan vs. ABC trial. After the last go-round resulted in a hung jury (with more people in favor of the beleaguered actress), the network requested that the entire suit be dropped. The LA Superior Court judge ruled against the network —although the retrial date was changed from June 4th to September 10th, just in time for the fall season! The judge also made a pointed suggestion to ABC's lawyers: "I very, very strongly urge you to continue settlement discussions."
When Nicollette is still newsworthy, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I very, very strongly urge you to visitwww.BillyMasters.com, the site with something for every prospective juror (hung or otherwise). If you've got a question that needs my attention, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dick Clark turns up in a remake of Weekend at Bernie's! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.